St. Mary Parish, Manchester at 210 West Main Street, Manchester, MI 48158 US - Preparation for Holy Matrimony

THE SACRAMENT OF HOLY MATRIMONY It is the belief of the Church that when two Christians marry, something distinctive happens. The man and woman, who commit themselves to a life long covenant of love, celebrate a Sacrament. A Sacrament is a sign of God’s love touching our lives. Your marriage is the revealing of God’s love in a powerful way. Your love is made holy in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and it becomes the mirror of God’s everlasting love for the world. Thus, the celebration of your marriage is not just “your day.” It is our day, too, as the St. Mary Community celebrates with you. The People of God gather to witness the exchange of vows and to express their support for you. As you make your promises to one another, we are reminded of God’s promise of love for us. As you say “I will love and honor you all the days of my life,” we call to mind the covenant that God made with us. God will never forget nor abandon us. You promise – God promises – we promise – together. Thus, your wedding is more than a private contract or a public exchange of promises. It is also an act of worship in which you promise your love to each other and receive promises of support from family, friends and the whole church (represented by your guests and the celebrant). Your guests come not just to watch but to pray, sing, celebrate, support, and encourage you. MARRIAGE PREPARATION In order to adequately prepare for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony you will be asked to: 1. Contact the parish office as soon as you announce your engagement. The nine-month preparation time is the minimal amount of time required by the Roman Catholic Bishops of Michigan. You may reach Fr. Krzyzaniak at the rectory office at 210 West Main Street, Manchester, Michigan or by phone at 734-428-8811. 2. Meet with the priest for an interview. The initial meeting will establish the freedom to marry. At this point, a tentative marriage date and time will be set, provided that the couple follows through with the entire marriage preparation process. 3. Attend Holy Mass every Sunday and make frequent use of the Sacrament of Penance. (Once a month is suggested for the sacramental confession of sins.) 4. Listen to the audiotape “Contraception, Why Not?” Complete the questionnaire and return it to Fr. Krzyzaniak as soon as possible. 5. Watch the video tape on Natural Family Planning with Fr. Krzyzaniak. Fr. Krzyzaniak will explain the importance of the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings on Marriage and Family Life. 6. Attend all four (4) Natural Family Planning classes. You will receive a listing of classes offered in the area and will need to call in advance to make a reservation. There will be a $70.00 fee for the classes. Return the form to the priest when classes are completed. * 7. Meet with a married couple from the parish. The married couple will contact you and make arrangements to meet and take the FOCCUS (a communication inventory tool). These sessions vary in number and are held to discuss the results of your communication graph. Plan on at least four (4) sessions. 8. Attend the WE C.A.R.E. program required by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Lansing. You will receive a brochure and be asked to make arrangements to attend the two (2) sessions. There will be a $75.00 fee for the sessions. * 9. Read the book Marriage Is Love Forever. This book will be yours to keep and used as a foundation for your understanding of marriage in the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church. 10. If either of you, whether you are Roman Catholic or not, has been previously married, please note: Before marriage preparation can begin a Declaration of Nullity needs to be sought. Annulments are not automatic! And, if granted, this will establish the freedom to marry. Please discuss this matter with the priest. * If you are unable to afford the fees required for the N.F.P. and WE C.A.R.E. classes, arrangements can be made with the priest preparing you for Holy Matrimony. DOCUMENTS 1. Both parties must present a recent copy of their baptismal certificate, dated within six (6) months. This is done by a request to the church of your baptism. 2. Your marriage license can be obtained from the County Clerk’s office of your county of residence no sooner than thirty (30) days before the actual ceremony. If you have any questions concerning your marriage license, you may call the County Clerk’s office. You must bring your license to the Parish Office one (1) week prior to the ceremony. IMPORTANT INFORMATION Scheduling: Weddings are scheduled on Saturdays at 1:00 p.m. Weddings may also be scheduled on Friday evenings. Weddings are not held on Sundays, Holy Days of Obligation, or during Lent. Rehearsals are usually scheduled for 6:00 or 6:30 p.m. the evening prior to the ceremony. Place of Wedding: Normally the wedding ceremony of a St. Mary parishioner takes place in their parish church. However, the wedding may take place in the church of a non-Catholic party, with or without a priest/deacon present. This requires a dispensation from the Bishop at the Diocesan Curia Office, which may be obtained with the assistance of Fr. Krzyzaniak. Weddings may not take place outside of a church setting. Forms of the Nuptial Liturgy: Marriage of two baptized Roman Catholics normally takes place during the celebration of Holy Mass. The marriage between a Catholic and a baptized member of another faith or a non-baptized person will be celebrated outside the Mass. If the marriage takes place within a Nuptial Mass, care should be given to explain the reception of the Sacrament. Since the Holy Eucharist is a privilege of membership and the highest expression of Roman Catholic unity, those of other faiths may not receive Holy Communion. Planning the Nuptial Liturgy: Fr. Krzyzaniak will supply you with a book (Marriage is Love Forever) to help you plan your Liturgy. Please take an ample amount of time to read the Scripture selections together before you make your decisions. Priests and Deacons: Normally the priest celebrating your wedding will be from St. Mary Church. If you have a family member or a friend who is a priest or deacon, they are most welcome to either celebrate or con-celebrate the Nuptial Liturgy. They must contact the pastor. The Roman Catholic Church allows deacons to witness marriages, but they are unable to celebrate the Holy Eucharist. Other Ministries: Besides selecting the wedding party, care should be taken to select others who will exercise liturgical ministries within the Nuptial Liturgy. These would include Readers, Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, Altar Servers, and Musicians. Music and Musicians: The music selected for the Nuptial Liturgy must reflect the Roman Catholic Christian character of the service. Thus, secular or popular music is inappropriate at any time to be played in the church building. If there is a piece of music of which you are uncertain if it is appropriate, please consult with the music director or the pastor. The Music Directors of St. Mary Church, Dr. John and Mrs. Marybeth Redmon, will meet with you to plan the music for your Nuptial Liturgy. As a public service of the Roman Catholic Church, the Diocese of Lansing has specific guidelines as to appropriate music for the Rite of Marriage which you will need to take into consideration when planning your selections. Please schedule a meeting well in advance of your wedding date to allow a comfortable time for selection, procurement of music and musicians, and preparation. An initial meeting six months prior to the date of your wedding is strongly suggested. The Directors of Music will be the principal musicians for your Nuptial Liturgy, providing organ and piano music, cantoring and appropriate vocal music. Guest musicians are welcome to participate in your Nuptial Liturgy with the permission and under the supervision of John and Marybeth Redmon at 428-8448. The Nuptial Liturgy is a public act of Roman Catholic worship. The use of liturgical worship programs is strongly encouraged in order to draw the congregation into the Sacred Liturgy. This is especially helpful when there are many non-Catholics attending the Nuptial Liturgy. Any music reprinted in worship programs must obtain the proper copyright permission in order not to be in violation of copyright laws. All fees for musicians must be paid to St. Mary Roman Catholic Church at least two weeks prior to the Nuptial Liturgy. All checks should be made out to St. Mary Roman Catholic Church. Decorations: In planning your flowers and decorations, care should be taken to respect the existing church environment. You may not remove or disturb altar cloths, candles, floral/liturgical arrangements, or change existing plants. We have a limited assortment of plant stands and pedestals available to hold your floral arrangements. You or your florist are welcome to see if they meet your needs. Floral arrangements that are part of the wedding celebrations are considered gifts to the parish and are to be left in the sanctuary* signifying to the congregation that a wedding has recently taken place. Please leave the entire church building including the sanctuary* and basement as you found them. Courtesy demands that the boxes in which flowers arrived, covers for dresses, extra programs, etc. be collected and placed in wastebaskets in the basement of the church. Most likely, a friend or relative will be happy to take responsibility for gathering up personal belongings and tidying up for you. Amount and Placement of Floral Arrangements: All floral arrangements and decorations are for the honor and glory of Almighty God. Care must be taken that the church building is not overly decorated with flowers and bows. It is appropriate to have 2-4 arrangements placed on either side of the tabernacle. An arrangement of flowers may be placed in front of the ambo (the reading stand). The front of the altar must be kept free from flowers so that they do not interfere with the movement of the priest. The placement of flowers is never allowed upon the altar of the Lord’s Sacrifice. It is appropriate to have an arrangement of flowers placed in front of the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Your florist may deliver and place flowers in the church the morning of the Nuptial Liturgy. * Sanctuary: In a Roman Catholic church building the raised area at the front of the church where the altar, ambo and tabernacle are located. The Sanctuary is considered to be the most sacred part or the holy of holies of the church building. Candelabra: Two candelabra are available for your use. The rental fee of $50.00 includes the candles. However, no bows or flowers may be attached to them. Only the parish candelabra will be allowed to be used for your Nuptial Liturgy should you desire them. Pew Candles: Due to the potential hazard involved and for the safety of those attending your Nuptial Liturgy, we ask that no pew candles or candelabra be used. Aisle Runner: The aisle runner was used at a time when church buildings were not carpeted. They were used for the practical purpose of keeping the bridal gown clean. Because our church is carpeted the aisle runner is no longer necessary. The use of aisle runners is also strongly discouraged due to the liabilities attached to them. Aisle runners are an occasion for the people attending the Nuptial Liturgy to fall and injure themselves. Please discuss the matter with the pastor. Unity Candle: The unity candle is not a part of the Roman Catholic Nuptial Liturgy. The focus, as much as possible, must be placed on the bride and the groom who are Sacramentally joined in the bond of Holy Matrimony. The Bride and Groom are the prime symbol of the ritual. This being said, because of the strong cultural attachment to the unity candle, it will be allowed, with the following understanding: The unity candle is never allowed to be placed on the altar. The side candles of the unity candle will be lit prior to the service by the priest only. Videotaping: You are welcome to have your Nuptial Liturgy taped, using one camera. The camera is only allowed to be positioned in the back of the church, behind the last pew for the entire duration of the service. The person taping the liturgy must read the parish policy on photography. They must sign and abide by this policy. Photographers: One professional photographer is welcome to take pictures before, during and after the Nuptial Liturgy. Care must be taken so that the sacred character of the Nuptial Liturgy is not marred and that the church building is treated with the utmost reverence and respect. The professional photographer is asked to read and sign the parish policy on photography. In order to maintain the sacred character of the Liturgy we ask that you discourage the use of individual cameras during the Nuptial Liturgy. This can be simply done by printing this request in your worship program. Once again, we must do everything possible to maintain reverence and respect in the House of the Lord. Miscellaneous: To avoid any hazard to safety and to minimize custodial work, the throwing of rice, confetti, rose petals, or bird seed is not allowed on church property. A Roman Catholic Church Building is consecrated and set aside for the praise and worship of Almighty God. The Blessed Sacrament is reserved in the tabernacle in the center of the sanctuary. Roman Catholics believe that Jesus Christ is really and truly present, body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Most Holy Eucharist. Because of this, you and your wedding party are asked to conduct yourself in away that is fitting to the presence of God. The following are asked to be observed when present in the church. • No chewing of gum • Men are not to wear hats • No drinking of any kind of beverages on the premises • No obscene or vulgar language • Speak in a low quiet voice • Keep voice to a minimum during photographs • Refrain from whistling and yelling • Modesty in dress If Fr. Krzyzaniak judges that someone is unable to make the commitment necessary for marriage because of the use of drugs or alcohol, the ceremony will not take place. Wedding Coordinators & Stipends: Every wedding held at St. Mary Church will have a wedding coordinator who will be present at the rehearsal and on your wedding day. They are there to assist you and your bridal party as well as the priest presiding at the Nuptial Liturgy. There is a stipend of $50.00 to be offered for the services of the parish wedding coordinator. The stipend should be paid to St. Mary Roman Catholic Church at least two weeks prior to the Nuptial Liturgy. Gifts of Thanksgiving: As with others in your wedding party, you may wish to give a gift to the priest and the altar servers who take part in your Nuptial Liturgy. It is not inappropriate to thank the priest with a gift of $50-100. If altar servers are serving at your Nuptial Mass, a gift of $5-10 is appropriate. There is no fee for the use of the church if you are a registered parishioner. The Final Word: With all the documents and details it is easy to get bogged down, distracted, or even discouraged. We’re here to help! If there is anything that we can do, feel free to call. We rejoice in your decision to get married and want to support you in every way we can. May God richly bless your Marriage! ******************************************** THE PARISH OFFICE HOURS ARE: Monday-Friday 9:00 am-noon and 1:00-3:00 pm If you need access to the building at other times, e.g. for floral delivery or decorating, this must be arranged in advance with the Office. ******************************** Love is patient and kind; Love is not jealous or boastful; It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, Believes all things, Hopes all things, Endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

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