St. Mary Parish, Manchester at 210 West Main Street, Manchester, MI 48158 US - The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
| The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony |
When a Roman Catholic is thinking about marriage the very first thing that they should do is to call their pastor to arrange a meeting with him. This should be done before any arrangements are made to reserve a place for the wedding reception. The attitudes towards marriage that an engaged couple brings to the priest when it comes time for their proximate marriage preparation have been shaped over a period of many years. This formation can be for good or for bad. In the eleven years that I have been a priest, I can sadly report that the majority of Roman Catholics who request marriage in the Church are lacking in knowledge of the basic fundamental teachings of the Faith. In many cases, I have found myself doing basic religious education with couples that I am supposed be focusing in on the spiritual preparation for entrance into the lifelong Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. We have a serious crisis on our hands regarding the state of marriage in the United States and in the Church. The divorce rate is nearing the 60% mark. Roman Catholics are right up there with the general culture in these grim statistics. We must face this grave problem head on and work as a team; clergy and parents, to begin to pull our children out of the clutches of the world and bring them into the safe and loving embrace of our Mother and Teacher: Holy Mother Church. Fr. Tim
This initial meeting between the priest and the couple determines the freedom of the couple to enter into marriage. The priest asks certain questions of the couple to make sure that there were no prior marriages or prior commitments that would not allow them to freely enter into marriage. He also makes sure that the couple understands that marriage is a permanent commitment ending only with death. The priest also makes sure that the couple is open to children in their marriage.
After this initial interview the priest then explains the process of immediate preparation for marriage in the Lord. The following are important questions that pertain to marriage preparation in the Roman Catholic Church in the State of Michigan.
How long is the period of Marriage Preparation?
The Bishops of the Michigan Province have determined a period of at least nine months to prepare couples for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. But, as soon as a couple becomes engaged they should contact their parish priest. No dates for marriage can be given over the telephone. They can only be set after the initial interview.
I am thinking about marrying a person from another faith or and unbaptized person, and they have been married before. Do they need to seek a Declaration of Nullity (annulment) from their marriage before they can marry a Catholic?
Yes. The Roman Catholic Church views all marriages in the same fashion. We believe that God intends all people who enter into marriage to be in a permanent commitment. When a marriage ends, in order to be free to enter into marriage again they must seek an annulment. Because the Protestant Church does not have a process for the annulment of their marriages, it usually only effects a Protestant when they want to marry a Roman Catholic.
Why does the Roman Catholic Church make couples go through nine months of marriage preparation?
The Roman Catholic Church views marriage as a Sacrament and a Vocation. The Church views marriage as so very important that she wants to do everything that she can to ensure that couples entering into marriage in the Lord understand the commitments and obligations involved in marriage and are provided with a good foundation upon which to build. Marriage preparation in the Roman Catholic Church is an investment in the couple and the future of the Church.
My fiancé and I are currently living together; is it true that the Catholic Church will not marry us?
This question cannot be answered by a simple yes or no. The Catholic views sexual intimacy outside of marriage as a violation of God’s plan for our sexuality. It is considered a grave sin. The Roman Catholic Church is extremely concerned that couples both preparing for marriage and living out the commitment of marriage, understand the truth and mystery of God’s plan for marriage and family life. The Church believes that sexual intimacy is meant to be a profound expression, in the flesh, of the permanent bond created between a husband and wife on their wedding day. In reality, every time that a married couple has sexual intimacy it is meant to be a reaffirmation of their marriage vows. A couple living together outside of marriage have not made a commitment to each other. Therefore, their sexual intimacy is not a reflection of a total giving of self to the other, but rather an act of mutual self-gratification.
Couples living together before marriage, or who are sexually active prior to marriage, are headed for many, many problems. The divorce rate among couples who cohabitate prior to marriage is about 85%. This is a shocking statistic! So when a couple, in this position, comes to their local parish asking for marriage in the Roman Catholic Church, their pastor is extremely concerned for the future of a relationship that has a high probability of failure. This pastor, who is called to be a ‘good shepherd’ to his flock, will probably not deny marriage to the couple, unless there is an impediment. But, he will try to get the couple to live chastely and separately as a part of their marriage preparation warning them of the moral and spiritual dangers that come with cohabitation.
I would like to have my wedding ceremony in a garden or in the local gazebo. Does the Church allow us to have our ceremony outside of a church building?
No. The Seven Sacraments are public sacred actions of the Church. They are to be celebrated in the church building which is a sacred structure consecrated for such purposes. The church building plays a significant role in the life of each member of a particular parish. The church building is the dwelling place of God. In the church, the Risen Christ dwells in the Sacrament of the Altar; it is the place where the Bridegroom, Christ, offers Himself daily in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and in the Tabernacle, to His Bride the Church. The couple is invited to imitate Him in their marriage.
My fiancé is a Protestant. She would like for our wedding to be held in her church. Can I, as a Catholic be married in a Protestant church?
Yes, with qualifications. A Roman Catholic may be married in a Protestant church by a Protestant Minister provided a special dispensation is obtained from the Bishop. The couple must also agree to do all the marriage preparation required by the Catholic Church. The Catholic party may have their priest present for the ceremony, but is not necessary provided the above has been completed.
Is it true that if a Catholic marries someone of another faith or no faith at all, they must agree to raise their children in the Catholic Faith?
Yes. In order for a Roman Catholic to marry someone of another faith or an unbaptized person, his or her priest must obtain a dispensation from the Bishop. The Catholic, at that time, signs the application for the dispensation agreeing to do the best they can to have any children they might have baptized and raised as Catholics. This is obviously something that requires a great deal of discussion between the Catholic and non-Catholic.
CONCLUSION
Marriage preparation should be understood as being in two stages: long-term marriage preparation and proximate marriage preparation.
In my experience, the vast majority of Roman Catholics asking for marriage in the Church have been sadly shaped and mis-formed by the attitudes and immorality of the secular world. They bring to marriage many, many unchristian attitudes and practices that threaten the sanctity of marriage before it even begins. And even more sadly is the fact the many engaged couples do not even know that they have been negatively influenced by the secular world.
Another serious challenge to marriage preparation is when a Roman Catholic, who him or herself is lacking in basic knowledge of the Catholic Faith, desires to enter into marriage with someone of another faith or an unbaptized person. How can the Roman Catholic party, who promises to pass on the Catholic faith to their children, do so if they are completely ignorant of it?
As I bring this important series on preparation for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony to a conclusion, I invite the parents of St. Mary Parish to realize how awesome and vital a role that they play in the formation of their children both morally and spiritually by preparing them in the home for the vocation that God is calling them into.
I encourage and invite parents to do the following things to help their children.